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Advice to the Congressman

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Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of each. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays.

I have some advice for Representative Condit, the California Congressman connected to missing intern Chandra Levy. Mr. Condit may not need any help from me. But, since I am not in the eye of the storm, perhaps I can provide some counsel from a distance.

For the sake of this discussion, I am going to assume that Mr. Condit did have a relationship with Ms. Levy that was "improper." As I write this on Sunday afternoon (July 8), the evidence that he did is still surfacing and not yet conclusive, but I figure he'd better prepare for the worst. So here is my advice:

Lie.

Lie; lie; lie. Deny; deny; deny. Announce publicly that you are cooperating fully with the authorities. Speak out and promise more rather than less, sooner rather than later. But behind the scenes, stall, stall, stall. Blame the press and the police for false and damaging leaks; blame the opposition for trying to destroy you. Paint the accusers as low-class villains. Claim the investigation into your life is a foolish waste of taxpayer dollars. But lie through your teeth. Every day. And smile about it. Claim that you must get back to the work of the people. Lie. Lie confidently; lie boldly; lie frequently.

Why do I advise this despicable course of action? Very simple. It works.

We expect men to lie when they are caught with their hands in the cookie jar; we expect no more from them. That has become the accepted standard of our times. "What man wouldn't lie about an adulterous affair?" That is what the public has said unequivocally so many times in our enlightened age. And furthermore, they don't care!! It's OK. We expect you to lie, and we do not care one twit when you do or no matter how many times you do.

As Sally Quinn wrote in the Washington Post on July 8, "Gary, Gary, Gary. Most people don't care whether you or any other congressman has an affair. We would have no Congress if we cared."

It is your business Mr. Condit, not ours. When Bill Clinton lied and everyone knew it, his approval rating went up.

Lie.

If you get called before a federal grand jury, lie. There is ample precedent on the side of perjury.

Are you a lawyer? All the better.

Lie.

The press will not hold you accountable; the people will not hold you accountable. Oh, Ms. Levy's parents might not be too pleased. But they are two people out of three hundred million. Big deal. Monica's parents got used to it; indeed, her mother basked in the limelight.

Take a vacation with your wife. With a TV camera in range, dance with her on the beach.

Lie.

Even if a blue, stained dress shows up, admit only to an "improper" relationship. Nothing more. Get back to the work of the people.

It's "for the children."

Lie.

That is what we have been taught by example.

It works.

Lie.

Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:     Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History     A Trip to the Dentist     The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!     Just Shoot Me!     He Sleeps with the Fishes     My Little Girl, Princess     Why am I Still Single?     The Plastic Surgery Saga     Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!     Our House - Part 2     Our House - Part 3: Reclaiming the Past     Middle Age and the Mazdamobile     Down for the Count     That Dirty Dancing     Contemplations on the Hereafter     Tool Time with the Chicowitz     The Chicowitz Goes Country     Born to be Screwed     Mr. Brownthumb     The Mixer - A Singles Story     Crab Cakes Midlife Crisis:     The Defining Moment     The Saga Continues     Fighting Back     The Straight Scoop In December, Traditions of Christmas:     1997: The Christmas Tree     1998: Remembrance.... and Friends     1999: Christmas Cards     2001: Songs & Stories     2002: The Gift of Giving     2003: Decorating the Tree     2004: The Christmas Pin     2005: The Making of the Christmas Card     2006: Christmas on a Toothpick     2007: The Paper Route Years     Merry Christmas, Y'all     Hershel's Wish List: 2004     The "A" List Teach, Preach & Nag:     Courage and Class: Tony Snow     The New American Dream     A Grateful Heart     Things We'll Learn     The Death of a Friend     The Age of Non-Responsibility     "Thank You": Another Dying Phrase     The Saturday Night Live "Curse"     The Boomers, the Xers and Beyond     Rules, Boundaries and Consequences     It's for the Children     "American Beauty" - an American Nightmare     Of Values and Legacies     School Violence: Lessons from the Past     The Boomer Lyrics are with Us Everywhere     Everybody's Got a Story     Power to the Boomers     My Kingdom for a Plain Burger     Perception is Reality?     Oh Woe is Us!     It's Soooooo Hard     Take Care of Yourself     Public Service     The Universal Apology     The Leader of the Band Travels with Princess:     A Camping We Will Go     A Camping We Did Go     Travels with Princess - Part 1     Travels with Princess - Part 2     Me and You and a Dog Named Princess     Savannah: Midnight in the Garden     Time to Think     On Top of Old Smoky     The Fall Leaves and Such A View from Hurricane Alley:     The Big Scare     Before the Storm     After the Storm Katrina:     Intemperate Thoughts     Information Misload     Wet Dream Election 2004:     JF Kerry: Just the Facts     A Discussion of the Issues     The Election 2004 Quiz     Find a Bush Lie -- Collect $5,000     Talking Dirty in Washington     I Believe - The George W. Bush Edition     Inside John Kerry     Why Character Matters - Part Umpteen     Reporting for Duty     Is it Safe Yet?     Why We/They Hate Bush     Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency     What I Am     Nov. 8: Post-Mortem Election 2006:     I Believe -- the Election 2006 Edition     A Civil Debate

A Boomer Remembers...:     I Remember the 50s     The 60s: Life was Sweeter     The New American Dream     Another Side of the Greatest Generation     Where has all the Music Gone?     Memories of the Sock Hop     Remembering the Chairman of the Board     Restless in Seattle     The New Math     We Are Not One Boomer     "And Here's to You, Joe DiMaggio"     The Days of Summers Past     The Seeds of Character     A Letter to a Teacher     I Want a Clark Bar!     When Music was Fun     Decoration Day - The Measure of Sacrifice     11/22/63: We Remember     Flashback: The Y2K Hysteria     When the Music had Words     Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency     The Great Carsoni     Love Songs of the Chicowitz     Do You Remember These?     V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N -- We're on Vacation!     A Watergate Success Story Straight Talk on Social Issues:     Money 101: Incentive     Health Care: Solutions     Dr. Jack - A Man for Our Times     Misplaced Outrage: The Imus Affair     Global Warming Warning     Sin Offsets     Immigration: Good Fences     July, 2006: The Price of Freedom     Oh, Woe is Babs!     "Fair and Balanced"?     Lower Education     Boomer Retirement: "Hell No, We Won't Go!"     Social Security for Dummies     Feelings over Facts     Talking Down the Economy     The Little Red Hen     The Singles' Journal: Marriage     The Shadow IRS     The Dumbing Down of America     The Next, Great Entitlement     Voting Our way to Fairness     Straight Talk on Energy     We are Losing the Culture War     A Taxpayers' Bill of Rights     The Greedy Hand Extends its Reach     My Kingdom for a Candidate     Another Hat in the Toilet     We Have Met the Enemy     I'm From the Government & I'm Here to Help You     B. Clinton: The Case Against the President     B. Clinton: The Case For the President     Charlton Heston: The Culture War     Head Start: The Difference between Red and Blue     Labor Day - The Entrepreneur     It's Lonely at the Top     Kids on Drugs     Roe v. Wade Reality     Stem Cell 101     Vietnam: From a Distance     Iraq: Another Vietnam - ? Mostly, Just Silly Stuff:     Sin Offsets     Menopause: Just for Laughs     The Fat Tax     Cell Phones & Other Crimes & Misdemeanors     Like Father, Like Son     Where Have You Gone, Walter Cronkite?     A Dire Warning to all Boomers     An Aging Boomer's Final Call to Action     BoomerSpeak     "American Pie": a Fresh Interpretation     Hail to Thee, My Alma Mater     Rock On!     The BBHQ Exam Story     Great Quotations     The $2.5 Million Pyramid     I Double-Dare You! The Terrorist Attack of 2001:     The Best of Times     Showing Your Patriotism     "All We are Saaaaaaaa-ying..."     2004: Is it Safe Yet? The Chicowitz on Iraq:     Politics for Dummies - Part I     Peace in Our Time     Yankee Go Home!     Bullhorn Responsibility     Blood for Oil!     Why We Fight     They Said - Part 1     They Said - Part 2     Why They're Wrong ** There's even more: The BBHQ Archives **

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The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you?

The BBHQ Book of the Month is "Vinyl Highway," by Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee. Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story. It's pretty cool.

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	Or, click the drop-down arrow and take your pick! The BBHQ Merchandise Mart Pictures, Posters & Autographs Alfalfa Muhammad Ali Woody Allen Beatles Jimmy Buffett Carol Burnett Eric Clapton Roy Clark Sean Connery Joe Cool Kirk Douglas Clint Eastwood Elvis Bob Feller W.C. Fields Harrison Ford the Godfather Andy Griffith Katherine Hepburn Dustin Hoffman the Honeymooners Bob Hope Martin Luther King Laurel & Hardy Life magazine Little Rascals Robert Mitchum Mickey Mouse Muppet Show Paul Newman Newman & Redford Jack Nicholson Peter, Paul & Mary Playboy logo Post, Time magazines The Lone Ranger Rat Pack Ronald Reagan The Riddler Rocky Mickey Rooney Simon & Garfunkel Spanky & Scotty Shirley Temple James Stewart - "Harvey" James Stewart - "It's a Wonderful Life" John Travolta John Wayne Woodstock