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BBHQ Boomer Essays:

The Chicowitz Goes Country

Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of each. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays.

If I am nothing else, I am consistent. I am a huge fan of the music of the boomer years: the late 50s, 60s, and early 70s. But this week, I confess to having just a little cowpoke blood running through my veins. (A highly unpleasant thought, is it not?)

It took me a long time to figure out why country (or country/western) music is so popular. Certainly it has nothing to do with the voices of the singers, or the song titles, or the subject matter. There must be something else to it. Now, I have nothing against those of you who ride in the saddle of cornpone - to each his own. I just did not understand how it became so popular so quickly.

When I was a kid, country music songs dealt primarily with chewin' tabaccy, your woman walking out on you, and getting drunk and passing out in the gutter. The country music singers were real cowpokes; you know, Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Charlie Pride, Roy Acuff, Chet Atkins, Ernest Tubb, Minnie Pearl, that ol' pea-picker himself - Tennesee Ernie Ford, Buck Owens and his Buckaroos, and Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs. (Now, if there was ever a perfect name for a country/western group, it is Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs.)

But the market for songs about chewin' tabaccy was kinda' small at the time. Admittedly, getting drunk and passing out in the gutter was gaining in popularity among boomers, but it had not yet reached the level that a lot of people wanted to listen to songs about it. We boomers had our limits.

But something happened in the mid to late 70s. All of the sudden, country/western music was everywhere. And today... why heck, Garth Brooks is the biggest thing in show business!

Oh, wait. Is he still around?

Garth who? Shows you what I know, huh?

Anyway, I have it figured out. In the early 70s, what we call rock and roll music was the thing... THE thing. The acid rockers were pulling it to its limits, the Beatles nearly destroyed it ("Happiness is a Warm Gun"), and Paul Simon was committing songwriting suicide ("Me and Julio down by the School Yard"). But rock was still king.

Then came MTV.

MTV killed rock and roll.

Yep; before MTV, rock music was written to be heard. After MTV, it was written to be seen. And that was the end of it. It was the end of rock and roll as we knew it.

There was no music in MTV rock music. And Lord knows, it had no words (of any value). I think it was the words that we missed the most. Good rock music has to say something.

So what were 76 million music-loving boomers to do?

Well, I pulled out the 45s and the tapes and invented "oldies." (If Al Gore invented the Internet, then I can say I invented oldies.) But many boomers turned to country/western music. And the artists responded. The coal miner's daughter was terrific; she even dragged along her kid sister. Dolly Parton put forth her best assets. And then came the Charlie Daniels Band:

      The devil went down to Georgia
      He was lookin' for a soul to steal;
      He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind
      And he was willing to make a deal.

      When he came across this young man
      Sawing on a fiddle and playing it hot;
      And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump
      And said, "Boy let me tell you what."

Is that great, or what? It's got a beat; it's great music; and man, can that big, old guy play the fiddle!

   

The songs had words... and the words got to you.

And then, one night I was watching the Boston Pops on PBS. (Imagine that, huh?) After some light, show music, conductor John Williams introduced Crystal Gayle, who floated on stage, wearing a white, sequined dress, dark hair flowing gently down to her ankles, and sang, "When I Dream":

      I could have the mansion,
      That is higher than the trees,
      I could have all the gifts I want
      And never ask, "please."

      I could fly to Paris,
      Oh, that's at my beck and call.
      Why do I go through life
      With nothing at all?

      But when I dream,
      I dream of you;
      Maybe someday... you will come true.

   

There ya' go..... match that against ANYTHING called rock music today. Slam dunk, huh?

And that was it.... there I was, reduced to a puddle of warm slobber, staining the living room carpet. I'd become countrified.

To an extent. My music collection now includes bunches of Crystal Gayle stuff, all of Charlie Daniels' music, a couple of Homer & Jethro songs - just for laughs, a taste of Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs... but no Garth Brooks. (He is soooo yesterday, isn't he?)

I went only so far. There are no cowboy boots in my closet, no three-pound, silver belt buckles, and no ten-gallon hats. (No two-gallon ones, either.)

Accordingly, I have gathered a list of country/western songs that will NOT be included in my collection. Unless you've got cow chips in your carport, you may wish to pass on these songs, too:

I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love all over Me
Am I Double-Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
I Only Miss You on the Days that End in "Y"
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Are You Drinkin' with Me, Jesus? -- here is a sample:
      "Does your head pound, Jesus, as hung over you do rise....
      how does paradise look, Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
      Should we take a cab home, Jesus...aw, man, we can hoof it from here...
      I know you can walk on the water, but can you walk on this much beer?"

(Really; I swear, I could not make that up.)

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump
I Still Miss You Baby, but My Aim is Gettin' Better
Bubba Shot the Jukebox
I Sent Her Artificial Flowers for Her Artificial Love
Come out of the Wheatfield, Nellie; You're Going Against the Grain
I Bought the Shoes that just Walked Out on Me
Did I Shave my Legs for This?
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' with Lovin' on Yo-mind
Don't Give Me a Plastic Saddle, 'Cuz I Want to Feel that Leather when I Ride
Drop Kick Me, Jesus (through the Goal Posts of Life.)
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Get Off the Table, Mabel (the Two Dollars is for the Beer)
All My Exes Live in Texas
Get Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns in the Bed
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
How Did You get so Ugly Overnight?
I Flushed You from the Toilets of My Heart
I Miss my Man, but my Aim's getting' Better

And my personal anti-favorite:
Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, 'cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

A little country goes a long way in my corral. Crystal Gayle, I'm a-waitin' for ya', honey. But ya' better hurry quick, 'cause the fire in my loins is burnin' kinda' low.

  

Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:

Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History

A Trip to the Dentist

The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!

Just Shoot Me!

He Sleeps with the Fishes

My Little Girl, Princess

Why am I Still Single?

The Plastic Surgery Saga

Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!

Middle Age and the Mazdamobile

Down for the Count

That Dirty Dancing

Me and You and a Dog Named Princess

Contemplations on the Hereafter

A Camping We Will Go

Travels with Princess - Part 1

Tool Time with the Chicowitz

The Chicowitz Goes Country

... and 120 other boomer stories




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The Boomer Essays - On Being a Boomer:

Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:
    Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
    A Trip to the Dentist
    The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!
    Just Shoot Me!
    He Sleeps with the Fishes
    My Little Girl, Princess
    Why am I Still Single?
    The Plastic Surgery Saga
    Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!
    Our House - Part 2
    Our House - Part 3: Reclaiming the Past
    Middle Age and the Mazdamobile
    Down for the Count
    That Dirty Dancing
    Contemplations on the Hereafter
    Tool Time with the Chicowitz
    The Chicowitz Goes Country
    Born to be Screwed
    Mr. Brownthumb
    The Mixer - A Singles Story
    Crab Cakes

Midlife Crisis:
    The Defining Moment
    The Saga Continues
    Fighting Back
    The Straight Scoop

In December, Traditions of Christmas:
    1997: The Christmas Tree
    1998: Remembrance.... and Friends
    1999: Christmas Cards
    2001: Songs & Stories
    2002: The Gift of Giving
    2003: Decorating the Tree
    2004: The Christmas Pin
    2005: The Making of the Christmas Card
    2006: Christmas on a Toothpick
    2007: The Paper Route Years
    Merry Christmas, Y'all
    Hershel's Wish List: 2004
    The "A" List

Teach, Preach & Nag:
    Courage and Class: Tony Snow
    The New American Dream
    A Grateful Heart
    Things We'll Learn
    The Death of a Friend
    The Age of Non-Responsibility
    "Thank You": Another Dying Phrase
    The Saturday Night Live "Curse"
    The Boomers, the Xers and Beyond
    Rules, Boundaries and Consequences
    It's for the Children
    "American Beauty" - an American Nightmare
    Of Values and Legacies
    School Violence: Lessons from the Past
    The Boomer Lyrics are with Us Everywhere
    Everybody's Got a Story
    Power to the Boomers
    My Kingdom for a Plain Burger
    Perception is Reality?
    Oh Woe is Us!
    It's Soooooo Hard
    Take Care of Yourself
    Public Service
    The Universal Apology
    The Leader of the Band

Travels with Princess:
    A Camping We Will Go
    A Camping We Did Go
    Travels with Princess - Part 1
    Travels with Princess - Part 2
    Me and You and a Dog Named Princess
    Savannah: Midnight in the Garden
    Time to Think
    On Top of Old Smoky
    The Fall Leaves and Such

A View from Hurricane Alley:
    The Big Scare
    Before the Storm
    After the Storm
Katrina:
    Intemperate Thoughts
    Information Misload
    Wet Dream

Election 2004:
    JF Kerry: Just the Facts
    A Discussion of the Issues
    The Election 2004 Quiz
    Find a Bush Lie -- Collect $5,000
    Talking Dirty in Washington
    I Believe - The George W. Bush Edition
    Inside John Kerry
    Why Character Matters - Part Umpteen
    Reporting for Duty
    Is it Safe Yet?
    Why We/They Hate Bush
    Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
    What I Am
    Nov. 8: Post-Mortem

Election 2006:
    I Believe -- the Election 2006 Edition
    A Civil Debate

A Boomer Remembers...:
    The 60s: Life was Sweeter
    The New American Dream
    Another Side of the Greatest Generation
    Where has all the Music Gone?
    Memories of the Sock Hop
    Remembering the Chairman of the Board
    Restless in Seattle
    The New Math
    We Are Not One Boomer
    "And Here's to You, Joe DiMaggio"
    The Days of Summers Past
    The Seeds of Character
    A Letter to a Teacher
    I Want a Clark Bar!
    When Music was Fun
    Decoration Day - The Measure of Sacrifice
    11/22/63: We Remember
    Flashback: The Y2K Hysteria
    When the Music had Words
    Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
    The Great Carsoni
    Love Songs of the Chicowitz
    Do You Remember These?
    V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N -- We're on Vacation!
    A Watergate Success Story

Straight Talk on Social Issues:
    Money 101: Incentive
    Health Care: Solutions
    Dr. Jack - A Man for Our Times
    Misplaced Outrage: The Imus Affair
    Global Warming Warning
    Sin Offsets
    Immigration: Good Fences
    July, 2006: The Price of Freedom
    Oh, Woe is Babs!
    "Fair and Balanced"?
    Lower Education
    Boomer Retirement: "Hell No, We Won't Go!"
    Social Security for Dummies
    Feelings over Facts
    Talking Down the Economy
    The Little Red Hen
    The Singles' Journal: Marriage
    The Shadow IRS
    The Dumbing Down of America
    The Next, Great Entitlement
    Voting Our way to Fairness
    Straight Talk on Energy
    We are Losing the Culture War
    A Taxpayers' Bill of Rights
    The Greedy Hand Extends its Reach
    My Kingdom for a Candidate
    Another Hat in the Toilet
    We Have Met the Enemy
    I'm From the Government & I'm Here to Help You
    B. Clinton: The Case Against the President
    B. Clinton: The Case For the President
    Charlton Heston: The Culture War
    Head Start: The Difference between Red and Blue
    Labor Day - The Entrepreneur
    It's Lonely at the Top
    Kids on Drugs
    Roe v. Wade Reality
    Stem Cell 101
    Vietnam: From a Distance
    Iraq: Another Vietnam - ?

Mostly, Just Silly Stuff:
    Sin Offsets
    Menopause: Just for Laughs
    The Fat Tax
    Cell Phones & Other Crimes & Misdemeanors
    Like Father, Like Son
    Where Have You Gone, Walter Cronkite?
    A Dire Warning to all Boomers
    An Aging Boomer's Final Call to Action
    BoomerSpeak
    "American Pie": a Fresh Interpretation
    Hail to Thee, My Alma Mater
    Rock On!
    The BBHQ Exam Story
    Great Quotations
    The $2.5 Million Pyramid
    I Double-Dare You!

The Terrorist Attack of 2001:
    The Best of Times
    Showing Your Patriotism
    "All We are Saaaaaaaa-ying..."
    2004: Is it Safe Yet?

The Chicowitz on Iraq:
    Politics for Dummies - Part I
    Peace in Our Time
    Yankee Go Home!
    Bullhorn Responsibility
    Blood for Oil!
    Why We Fight
    They Said - Part 1
    They Said - Part 2
    Why They're Wrong

** There's even more: The BBHQ Archives **




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06/10/04