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| BBHQ Boomer Essays: |
| Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of each. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays. |
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Well, it happened again. I wrote about it passionately in our Midlife Crisis series. But it has happened once again.
I've been dumped.
And no... it does not get any easier as you get older... not the third or the fourth, or the fifth time. It is every bit as painful this time as it was the others; perhaps more so. I'm not as buoyant as I used to be. I do not have the emotional energy that I did when I was 25.
Oh, perhaps you have the wrong idea here. I'm not talking about the woman of my dreams, the elusive butterfly of love, the love life of my libido. I'm talking about my hair stylist. She done ripped my heart out and stomped that sucker flat. Again.
About a decade ago I finally outgrew the old fashioned barber shop and went to one of those unisex hair style places. (I know; I was a late convert. But I'm the guy who didn't buy a pair of bellbottoms until March of 1974, about 3 months before they went out of fashion. Well, you know: once a geek, always a geek.)
Anyway, Jamie became my friend and my personal stylist. She was terrific! Then one day, she just split. She was gone.
Oh, I survived that trauma. I bounced around from one flea-bag salon to another for a while. A few one-nighters, a couple of out of town quickies. It was just a haircut. Honest, it didn't mean anything.
Just when I hit rock bottom, I found Kathy. Kathy was full of life. It was as if she had been born with a pair of scissors in one hand and a hair brush in the other. Oh, how I loved the feel of that cold, metal hair brush against my skin! She performed magic on my aging body. For three years we made beautiful music together. I thought we really had something special.
But six seeks ago when I called to make an appointment, the receptionist said she was gone. She had left the profession altogether, and me with it.
So there I was: dumped. Alone again, naturally.
Gosh, it hurts.
While consoling me, a friend and customer at the same shop suggested that I have Bonnie cut my hair. Bonnie worked at the chair next to Kathy's. But I couldn't do that. That would be like dating your ex-wife's sister. Too many painful memories. Still, if Kathy had given me permission before she left.... But that would have been asking for too much, wouldn't it? What woman has ever done that?
No; that was not going to happen.
So I've been reduced to scanning the Yellow Pages to find a replacement. I know, there are plenty of fish in the ocean. But have you been down to the ocean recently? It's a jungle down there! Gees, this is so depressing.
For the sake of those of you in a comfortable, long-term, monogamous relationship with your stylist, to help you understand my despair, here are a few of the places I have rejected, merely because of their listing in the telephone book:
K-Mart: hair styling and special handling - I don't think so. Have you ever seen Martha Stewart having her hair done at K-Mart? No; not going to happen. Never! Not Martha; not me.
Victorian Angel Hair Salon: Hair design, manicures, facials, pedicures, waxing, relaxers - Thanks, but I want a haircut, not plastic surgery.
Unisex Hair Services: specializing in dreads, up do's, weaving, bonding, infusion, fades, executive cuts - I have no earthly idea what they are talking about. What is an executive cut?
Hair Bandits - I don't think so. I don't want to have anything to do with stolen merchandise.
Hair X-cape - Too cute, by half.
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Hair to Impress - Ditto. Same for Hair's to
You. Hair We Go Unisex Salon - Honest, it's on page 393 of the Tampa, Florida Yellow Pages. Keeping it Real Beauty Salon - I think this may be a spin-off of the Hair Club for Men. Thank you; but no. |  |
Nuff Respect Beauty Salon - Rodney Dangerfield should know about this place; but it's not for me.
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Pornpun's Beauty Salon - I don't even want
to imagine this place. About Face Studios - It's not about my face. Salon de Arte - Probably a fine place, but way out of my league, I am certain. Salon de Beaute - Ditto; the "e" at the end was the clincher. |
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Sal'On Fletcher Avenue - I swear, I am not creative enough to make this stuff up. Bravo for Sal, however.
Sandy's Hair-Um - Get it? Um... no.
Simply Raw Salon - I can picture Telly Savalas here. But simply raw is not the look I am going for.
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Siam, I Am Beauty Salon - I do not like
green eggs and ham... Siam. Something Else Hair Design - I cannot imagine what "something else" might be. But no; I am not that adventurous. Zip-Zap Beauty Salon - It hurts my hair just to think about this one! (It reminds me of Bill Cosby's 60's comedy bit about the football player doing a TV commercial for a razor blade. "Zip, zap. See that; my face is ripped t' shreads.") Whack-A-Do - Page 395, I swear!
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Why do these places think they need cutesy names? Who are they trying to impress, Pee Wee Herman? The Smurf family?
Imagine a middle-aged guy heading out the back door, looking over his shoulder and saying to his wife, "Honey, I'm going down to Pornpun's for a quickie. I'll be back in about an hour."
"You're going where?!"
So, the search goes on; I am still looking for the life-long stylist of my dreams.
And my hair is a mess.
Some things never change.
...Wack-a-do, you!
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If you like what we're doing here at BBHQ, please help us by buying stuff through our link to Amazon.com:
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
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The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
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