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Midlife Crisis - The Defining Moment
I have been approaching midlife for several years now; so
naturally, it only follows that I have been approaching midlife crisis
as well. Last week, midlife crisis and I collided head-on.
I don't know whether it's worse to approach midlife crisis as a
single male with no dependents (as am I) or as a married father with
three young daughters (as is Tom, my former college roommate). Tom
loves his family with all his heart. But he tells me that watching all
three daughters reaching puberty at the same time is like watching a
tremendous left-hook coming at you in slow motion - with absolutely
nothing you can do about it. (Wait till they reach college-age, Tom!)
Nonetheless, my experience last week transcends all that.
I was visiting the campus of my alma mater, the American University
(AU), in Washington, D.C. I hadn't been there in several years, and I must
admit, I was easily lost amid the ivory towers and massive parking lots. So
while I was at the campus store to buy some T-shirts, I asked the cashier to
where they had moved the college of business. I wanted to drop off a note
to my old Business Law professor, Mr. Brenner. I wasn't a business or law
major, but I took Business Law anyway. I forgot why. Anyway, the only
thing that I remember about Business Law is that Sonny Jurgenson is the
best quarterback in the history of the Washington Redskins. (We talked
a lot about football during Business Law.)
The student behind me in line offered to show me where the college
was now located. So out the door we went: me and Chris, my new campus
escort. While walking across campus, I told her that I had been a
student at AU many years ago. She asked when, and, being somewhat
self-conscious about how long ago it actually was, I told her that I
had been a freshman at AU "Oh, back in the fall of '32 or '33 - I'm not
sure - it was the year of the drought."
She believed me. Ouch - one heavy blow to the heart.
No, I told her, it was the tail end of the Vietnam War. Her eyes
lit up; she said, "Oh yea? Tell me about it!" Now, I love my old
college stories, so I eagerly relived for her the days of the riots and
demonstrations. I attended some, but I never organized any. I never
smoked pot, nor did I ever inhale. (Hey, I'm trying to maintain my
political viability here.) I told her about the demonstrations down at
DuPont Circle and right up the street at the edge of campus. "Pigs off
campus! Pigs off campus!" we yelled - as if we actually had any control
over what the police would do. I worked for WAMU, the student-run,
campus radio station. We issued all our staff members tear gas masks
so that we could continue to report the news no matter how bad it got.
We looked real strange walking across the campus with our books in one
hand and our tear gas mask in the other. Come to think of it, I
remember the tear gas masks, but I don't remember the books.
As I looked across at her, she was clinging to my every word! I
was on a roll, and nothing could stop me now. I told her about the
all-night vigils at the Washington monument, and the endless petition
drives before, during, and after each class. It was exhilarating!
All of the sudden, I looked at her eyes, lost in fascination and
bewilderment, and I realized that I wasn't telling her "what I did for
summer vacation"; I wasn't describing some ordinary personal episode of
my life. I was telling her about... history. She exclaimed, "Oh
wow! I had heard about some of that, but I was only three years old at the
time."
Ouch - one more painful blow.
This polite, mature, seemingly adult contemporary, every bit as
tall as I was, was telling me that she was still in diapers while I was
attending college. Can this be true? Is anyone walking around a
college campus really that young? Grinding salt into the wound, she
said, "I think my parents were around then, but I guess they're not old
enough to remember much about it."
Ouch - that was the final blow.
"Gee, this has been great fun, Chris, but come to think of it, Mr.
Brenner is probably dead and buried by now. I think I'll just head on
back to the nursing home where I belong."
When I got back home, I looked in the mirror and noticed a whole
patch of gray hair that I swear hadn't been there that morning. I
decided that I'd finally reached the stage in my life when it was
futile to try to pluck them out one by one anymore.
Midlife crisis had overtaken me.
The Boomer Essays - On Being a Boomer:
Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:
Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
A Trip to the Dentist
The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!
Just Shoot Me!
He Sleeps with the Fishes
My Little Girl, Princess
Why am I Still Single?
The Plastic Surgery Saga
Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!
Our House - Part 2
Our House - Part 3: Reclaiming the Past
Middle Age and the Mazdamobile
Down for the Count
That Dirty Dancing
Contemplations on the Hereafter
Tool Time with the Chicowitz
The Chicowitz Goes Country
Born to be Screwed
Mr. Brownthumb
The Mixer - A Singles Story
Crab Cakes
Midlife Crisis:
The Defining Moment
The Saga Continues
Fighting Back
The Straight Scoop
In December, Traditions of Christmas:
1997: The Christmas Tree
1998: Remembrance.... and Friends
1999: Christmas Cards
2001: Songs & Stories
2002: The Gift of Giving
2003: Decorating the Tree
2004: The Christmas Pin
2005: The Making of the Christmas Card
2006: Christmas on a Toothpick
2007: The Paper Route Years
Merry Christmas, Y'all
Hershel's Wish List: 2004
The "A" List
Teach, Preach & Nag:
Courage and Class: Tony Snow
The New American Dream
A Grateful Heart
Things We'll Learn
The Death of a Friend
The Age of Non-Responsibility
"Thank You": Another Dying Phrase
The Saturday Night Live "Curse"
The Boomers, the Xers and Beyond
Rules, Boundaries and Consequences
It's for the Children
"American Beauty" - an American Nightmare
Of Values and Legacies
School Violence: Lessons from the Past
The Boomer Lyrics are with Us Everywhere
Everybody's Got a Story
Power to the Boomers
My Kingdom for a Plain Burger
Perception is Reality?
Oh Woe is Us!
It's Soooooo Hard
Take Care of Yourself
Public Service
The Universal Apology
The Leader of the Band
Travels with Princess:
A Camping We Will Go
A Camping We Did Go
Travels with Princess - Part 1
Travels with Princess - Part 2
Me and You and a Dog Named Princess
Savannah: Midnight in the Garden
Time to Think
On Top of Old Smoky
The Fall Leaves and Such
A View from Hurricane Alley:
The Big Scare
Before the Storm
After the Storm
Katrina:
Intemperate Thoughts
Information Misload
Wet Dream
Election 2004:
JF Kerry: Just the Facts
A Discussion of the Issues
The Election 2004 Quiz
Find a Bush Lie -- Collect $5,000
Talking Dirty in Washington
I Believe - The George W. Bush Edition
Inside John Kerry
Why Character Matters - Part Umpteen
Reporting for Duty
Is it Safe Yet?
Why We/They Hate Bush
Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
What I Am
Nov. 8: Post-Mortem
Election 2006:
I Believe -- the Election 2006 Edition
A Civil Debate
|
A Boomer Remembers...:
The 60s: Life was Sweeter
The New American Dream
Another Side of the Greatest Generation
Where has all the Music Gone?
Memories of the Sock Hop
Remembering the Chairman of the Board
Restless in Seattle
The New Math
We Are Not One Boomer
"And Here's to You, Joe DiMaggio"
The Days of Summers Past
The Seeds of Character
A Letter to a Teacher
I Want a Clark Bar!
When Music was Fun
Decoration Day - The Measure of Sacrifice
11/22/63: We Remember
Flashback: The Y2K Hysteria
When the Music had Words
Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
The Great Carsoni
Love Songs of the Chicowitz
Do You Remember These?
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N -- We're on Vacation!
A Watergate Success Story
Straight Talk on Social Issues:
Money 101: Incentive
Health Care: Solutions
Dr. Jack - A Man for Our Times
Misplaced Outrage: The Imus Affair
Global Warming Warning
Sin Offsets
Immigration: Good Fences
July, 2006: The Price of Freedom
Oh, Woe is Babs!
"Fair and Balanced"?
Lower Education
Boomer Retirement: "Hell No, We Won't Go!"
Social Security for Dummies
Feelings over Facts
Talking Down the Economy
The Little Red Hen
The Singles' Journal: Marriage
The Shadow IRS
The Dumbing Down of America
The Next, Great Entitlement
Voting Our way to Fairness
Straight Talk on Energy
We are Losing the Culture War
A Taxpayers' Bill of Rights
The Greedy Hand Extends its Reach
My Kingdom for a Candidate
Another Hat in the Toilet
We Have Met the Enemy
I'm From the Government & I'm Here to Help You
B. Clinton: The Case Against the President
B. Clinton: The Case For the President
Charlton Heston: The Culture War
Head Start: The Difference between Red and Blue
Labor Day - The Entrepreneur
It's Lonely at the Top
Kids on Drugs
Roe v. Wade Reality
Stem Cell 101
Vietnam: From a Distance
Iraq: Another Vietnam - ?
Mostly, Just Silly Stuff:
Sin Offsets
Menopause: Just for Laughs
The Fat Tax
Cell Phones & Other Crimes & Misdemeanors
Like Father, Like Son
Where Have You Gone, Walter Cronkite?
A Dire Warning to all Boomers
An Aging Boomer's Final Call to Action
BoomerSpeak
"American Pie": a Fresh Interpretation
Hail to Thee, My Alma Mater
Rock On!
The BBHQ Exam Story
Great Quotations
The $2.5 Million Pyramid
I Double-Dare You!
The Terrorist Attack of 2001:
The Best of Times
Showing Your Patriotism
"All We are Saaaaaaaa-ying..."
2004: Is it Safe Yet?
The Chicowitz on Iraq:
Politics for Dummies - Part I
Peace in Our Time
Yankee Go Home!
Bullhorn Responsibility
Blood for Oil!
Why We Fight
They Said - Part 1
They Said - Part 2
Why They're Wrong
** There's even more: The BBHQ Archives **
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rev. 07/08/01
