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The BBHQ Midlife Crisis Series: |
Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute here! If you are looking for a technical, scientific or medical discussion on midlife crisis... you've come to the wrong place. Sorry; we're not doctors; we're not sociologists; we're not egghead scientists. But if you want the straight scoop from the latest victims of this dreaded condition... well, we've got that for you... in spades.
What the Heck is Midlife Crisis, Anyhow?
Midlife crisis is a mental condition that affects many males around the midpoint of their lives (usually somewhere between the ages of 35 and 50). It affects women, too, but as far as we have been able to tell, more men are affected than women. (Then again, maybe women just complain less and handle it better.)
When we are young, we think we can do anything. Our bodies are powerful; we have great personal and professional ambition; and, in most cases, lofty, long-term goals. We want to accomplish great things. As baby boomers, we wanted to change the world. As we move through our twenties and into our thrities, we move ahead toward achieving those goals. We accomplish some of them; perhaps many of them. But in most cases, we do not move ahead as fast as we would like. Some goals remain far out of reach, despite our efforts.
Then, somewhere in our late thirties or forties, it begins to hit us: our hair may begin to thin a bit... maybe a lot. We can't play tennis or touch football like we used to, and we realize we never will. We gain a little weight for no apparent reason. We can't drink as much beer; in fact, often we don't even want to! Now, that's a real bummer!
And then one day it really sinks in: we're never going to be able to climb Mount Everest; we're never going to be invited to a party at Hef's mansion; Christie Brinkley will never have the slightest bit of interest in us; we're not going to be president of the company; current rock music sounds awful; we're probably not going to be able to afford a new Mercedes... ever! It's simply not going to happen. Movie stars, leading Congressmen, business leaders... many of them are younger than we are; heck, even the president is younger than we are. And we're still sittin' here, taking out the garbage twice a week. Midlife crisis has infected us.
For women, it seems that gravity takes its toll about this time. The media tries to convince them that once they are over 40, it is all downhill for women. Nonetheless, soon there will be 38 million female boomers over 40 and still doing just fine, thank you very much. This fact is helping to dispell this myth, or at least water it down. Still, it is hard to ignore the fact that you just don't have the body you saw in the mirror when you were 18... or even 28. The cover of virtually every fashion magazine features some skinny kid less than half your age, and you cannot relate at all to what they are saying. The media tells us that men look distinguished with a touch of gray; women just look old - or so they say. Ouch!! (Not our view, mind you!) A decade of changing diapers and wiping runny noses may well put a damper on one's dreams, too. Then one day we realize that Gloria Steinem was flat out wrong, or at least she left out the part about how miserably hard it would be to "have it all," and the price that we would have to pay would be so high. Damn her, anyway!
It is the realization that we have passed our physical peak, and that we will not likely achieve all those goals we set when we were young and for which we have spent the last twenty years reaching. This is about as good as it is going to get. This is it.
This is midlife crisis.
As far as we have been able to tell, midlife crisis affects both married and single people. Perhaps married folks who are bored with their marriage are more susceptable; maybe a flock of annoying teenagers brings it on sooner. But we think these are minor factors. Midlife crisis is a conflict between the mind and the calendar, simple as that.
So What's a Guy (or Gal) to Do?
Again, we feel compelled to say that if you are looking for psychological or other professional, medical advice, you've come to the wrong place. But as suffers of the first order, we do have some thoughts on the topic:
Yep; you can try the Hair Club for Men; maybe a nose job, face lift, or a little nip and tuck here and there. That may make you feel better. But remember: there's a reason why they call it cosmetic surgery.
If you wanna' know the truth, like a bad cold, midlife crisis will go away on its own, if you just do nothing and wait long enough. You will adjust; you'll get over it. But of course, that's not a good enough answer for many of us impatient boomers. To deal with the symptoms, one of my friends bought that new Mercedes even though he could not afford it. Did it help him? Yes, perhaps, for a while. Another had a series of affairs. Another divorced his wife, quit his job, got in his car and simply drove west till he ran out of gas and money. But in the end, reality hit all three of them. As they say, you can run, but you can't hide.
So the potential, serious downside of midlife crisis is not the crisis itself, but rather how you handle it.
The Brighter Side of Midlife Crisis
The best treatment for midlife crisis that we have found involves some mental exercise and mental adjustments, and perhaps some, small lifestyle changes.
Let's get real here for a moment. Christie Brinkley was never going to have the hots for us! Never! It was a foolish goal in the first place. The parties at Hef's mansion are pure plastic, inside and out. A Mercedes may be nice, but even if you could afford it, does it make sense to spend $60,000 for a car, when half that, or a third that, will get you around just fine? Have you ever had to replace the air conditioner on a Mercedes? Believe me, you don't even want to know how much that costs! Do you really need that aggravation in your life?
So what has happened has happened, and there is nothing you can do about it. You will never be the quarterback for the San Francisco 49'ers. (Only a dozen guys in your entire lifetime will be; and you were never in the running... never!) But if you are in good physical shape, you can likely stay that way for another 30-40 years - maybe more. And if you are not in good shape, there are probably several things you can do to get there. Christie Brinkley ain't gonna' do it for you; the government ain't gonna' do it for you. But then again, they are not holding you back, either. Only you are holding you back. Only you are in the way. So what are you waiting for?
Unless you really beat up on yourself, you are probably in a lot better health than your parents were when they were your age, and you're probably going to live longer than they did (or will).
If you are at the midpoint of your life and not satisfied with what you have accomplished, perhaps it is a good time to take stock and do something else. After the kids are out of college, you'll still have another 30 years to do what you really want. Maybe it's time to quit the rat race and start a small business on your own. Sure you'll make only a fraction of what you were making; but maybe you'll be a lot happier, too. What's stopping you?
A visitor to BBHQ suggested moving to a new house... or a new town to shake things up. Maybe that house you thought was so perfect when you bought it a decade ago... is not so perfect now. What do you really need? What do you really want?
Maybe a change in your lifestyle is a good thing - not a earth-shaking change, necessarily; but a change, nonetheless. (After all, things could probably be a lot worse than they are.) A drastic change could mess up everything in your life, including the good parts. So you should probably do some serious thinking before you get in the car and head west. But perhaps your midlife crisis is a way of telling you that it is time to adjust your priorities. And perhaps that is for the better.
Or, maybe midlife crisis is just nature's way of letting you know that she still runs the show, and you ain't gettin' away with nothin'! Who knows?
Besides, what are you going to do about it?
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The BBHQ Midlife Crisis Series: |
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