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-- The Next, Great Entitlement -- |
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| Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a timeless, boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of both. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays. |
The candidates for president are pushing health care as a campaign issue. As you might imagine, that got my mind a-buzzing... and you regular visitors know what a disturbing thing that is. So better warn the kiddies; this week's offering may be a bit too intense for some readers.
One of my clients recently enrolled me in their health care plan. (Oh, lord, what a nightmare that has turned out to be! But that's a story for another day.) I asked my client why companies provide health insurance. He guessed that it is because it is in the interest of the company to ensure that their employees remain healthy. A sick employee is no good to the company. Besides, he added, it's a nice fringe benefit for the employee.
Makes sense to me... on the surface. But then I got to thinking.... again. I am a pretty healthy guy. I have not called in sick since I was in the sixth grade. So, a health care plan is not a big benie to me; my health is of little concern to my client.
But... I am driving a 19 year-old car with 463,000 miles on it. More frequently these days, it has to call in sick. And if my car is sick, then I am sick. Now, I am the only person I know driving a 19 year-old car with 463,000 miles on it, but surely I am not the only person whose car gets sick from time to time. Wouldn't it make a lot of sense for my client to offer me auto care insurance rather than health insurance? After all, I am no good to the company if my car prevents me from getting to work. Think about it; which has been more annoying to you, dealing with your doctor, or dealing with your car dealer? Well, friends, relief is just a moment away.
Using my health plan as a guideline, let's see how this auto care plan might work:
My employer would send me a lengthy brochure outlining the benefits of my auto care program and explaining how to apply for auto care. (Oh, those are so much fun to read!) I would choose a local dealer from an approved list. My request for a new automobile would be evaluated by my company's Auto Maintenance Organization (AMO). Their decision to approve or disapprove would be based on my stated needs, my driving record, and how well I have taken care of my present car. Now, you might ask what business is it of theirs how well I have taken care of my present car. Under this plan, individuals would not own their cars; they would lease them from the dealer, through the AMO. It would be illegal for an auto dealer to sell a car directly to an individual. That would dilute the plan. There would be far fewer dealers under this plan in an effort to keep down the rapidly rising costs of automobiles. Dealers in small towns would become extinct; they are an expense that AMO's simply cannot afford.
And of course, I could not get everything I might want. This is a business, not a candy store. Cars do not grow on trees, you know. Under this plan, I could choose to let my AMO select a car for me; or, for a few dollars more, I could enroll in the automobile cafeteria plan. For example, I could choose a CD player and 8 stereo speakers..... or power steering. I'd have to decide on either plush, contoured seats... or side air bags; a security system.... or tinted windows; rear ABS.... or air conditioning.
Naturally, you could get individual coverage or family coverage. Family coverage would entitle you to a second car. This is a full-service plan, after all. AMO's would exist to enhance your life, not deprive you of what you rightly deserve.
And hey... this would be the end of television and radio commercials for automobiles. No more fast talking salesmen and exclusions, caveats, and legal mumbo-jumbo in tiny print running across the bottom of the screen. Nope; the dealers would sell to the AMO, not to you. Talk about "no haggling prices"! Why, heck; you'd never have to negotiate with a dealer again!
Of course, the make, color and style of your car might not be your first choice. Car manufacturers would be under no obligation to offer cars in 87 colors. All that choice is expensive, you know. The AMO's would decide what colors to order, and that would be that. Perhaps CEO's and high level managers would get silver and deep sea blue colored cars. First year employees could get their car in any color they wanted, as long as it is black... just like Henry Ford said. And what about convertibles, you ask? I don't think so.
You may have to wait 6-8 weeks for the car you were assigned to become available. And when it came time for regular maintenance, you would make an appointment through your AMO via a toll-free number. You would be authorized a certain number of scheduled maintenance visits per year. If you needed more than that, you would have to make your case to the national AMO appeals board. (Lawyers would be permitted to participate in these hearings. And what a relief that is, huh?) This activity, of course, would go on your permanent record and be taken into consideration when your number came up again for a new car. You need to know this; high risk drivers would be assigned less costly cars... less costly, BLACK cars.
Of course, there would be no more car payments. The cost for your AMO coverage would be deducted right from your paycheck. How much? I donno... 300-500 dollars a month. These cars aren't free, you know (not that you care, anymore). But that would cover maintenance, insurance, and repairs, too! And if your car gets stolen? Why heck, it's your AMO's problem, not yours. It's not your car anyway, is it? Of course, your employer would be required to match your payroll deduction. So you only pay for half the car - you can look at it that way. How 'bout that?! You bang up the car, and your employer pays half the deductible! And if that turns out to be too much of a burden on you, Washington can force employers to pay a greater percentage. That's what politicians are for. Remember, you are no good to your employer if you can't get to work. That's the argument; it is no more complicated than that.
Now, you may say this is restrictive and unfair. You want a silver car and you and not yet an executive. But honestly, does that really matter? After all, you choose a doctor from a list; why not a car? Which is more important? Relax; you'll get used to it. HMO's have proved you can get used to anything... as long as you think you don't have to pay for it.
This is a marvelous idea! I mean, look what the free market system did to the automobile industry in the 20th century! It is crumbling at its foundation. Life expectancy, on the other hand, has nearly doubled since the days of the Model T. Nobody can afford a new car any more! But 80% of the population is covered by an employer-supplied health care plan.
If employer-supplied health insurance is such a good idea, why on earth didn't somebody think of this before?
And remember, just as health insurance is an election or two away from becoming an entitlement, employer-supplied automobile maintenance plans could be just around the corner. Your next car could be your next entitlement. (Your next, BLACK entitlement. AMO participation may vary; tax, title, registration, and other fees not included. Dealer markup may affect terms and eligibility. High risk drivers may be assigned to public transportation. AMO's are protected from any and all legal liabilities, including civil litigation and criminal prosecution. Contact your AMO for details, exclusions, and variances.)
You candidates for office out there: here is a bold twist on the health care angle. You need an appealing platform? Why, here it is... great day in the morning!
Let's get the ball rolling!
...You're welcome.
One BBHQ visitor does not get it at all, but she certainly is opinionated:
"You know nothing and care for no one but yourself. You are a waste of oxygen and my limited time left on the planet. That which you allow to be done to us, may it to be done to every inch of your arrogant, belligerant, bullying DNA. Someday you, too, will discover poor health. I hope I live long enough to see you die because your insurer refused to pay for some routine chemo, and you couldn't raise the cash fast enough by the usual bake sale-collect on the street methods that Americans without health now have to resort to. But I won't live that long. Only the good die young."
Whew!!! Guess she told us!
For more of Hershel's essays, check the BBHQ Archives or the Boomer Essays.
If you like what we're doing here at BBHQ, please help us by buying stuff through our link to Amazon.com:
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
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The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
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