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| BBHQ Boomer Essays: |
| Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of each. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays. |
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This is the third in a series of essays on cosmetic plastic surgery. Harvey Chickelman, a BBHQ guest writer, has agreed to share his experience with bletharoplasty -- surgery to remove excess skin from the upper eyelids. Harvey contemplated surgery two weeks ago, and prepared for his excellent adventure last week.
This is his "before" photo.
About 20 years ago, management consultant Tom Peters wrote a book called "In Search of Excellence" -- profiles of a few American corporations with excellence in abundance. Surely it is past time for another expedition, is it not?
Do you remember going to a restaurant.... I mean a real restaurant... not a Hooters or an Applebee's... a real restaurant... and everything was perfect? The host/hostess recognized your name immediately; you were seated right away in the non-smoking section; the waiter/waitress got your order exactly right the first time; he/she was always there when needed, but never when not. Remember that?
(I know it is a stretch, but it does happen.)
Well, such was my experience with cosmetic plastic surgery last week. It was such a thrill to see that excellence does exist, if only on an exception basis... and if only at a cost of over $3,000.
When I arrived for my scheduled surgery, a team of professionals had everything prepared. They took my vitals, told me exactly what was going to happen, and provided me a very clean, spiffy wardrobe for the occasion. The cap was the perfect touch, but the sport coat was a bit loose. I was told there was not time for a custom fitting. That's OK. This was a hospital, not the Men's Warehouse.
They inserted a saline IV and gave me a pre-surgery appetizer consisting of three pills. I'm not sure what two of them were, but they clearly identified the pink one as Valium. How powerful was it? Did it have a placebo effect? I donno. Not being into the drug scene, I am not sure.
But what I was impressed with is that everyone knew exactly what they were doing and when to do it. They clearly had done this before and were fully in charge.
I can see why the Hollywood crowd loves plastic surgery so much. The outcome of the surgery aside, I am sure they appreciate everyone paying such close attention to you. It was nice for me, but an hour or so of it was enough.
Let's Do It!
When everything was ready, they took me to the operating room and called in the surgeon. I recognized his voice and recall that he said something about expecting a good outcome. I should hope so. It was a bit unnerving that everyone in the room but me had a mask over their face. But I guess that is part of the deal. I was reminded of "Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid": "Este is un robo!"
I had hoped to go over some last minute details with the surgeon; you know: surgical techniques; scapel of choice; suture preferences; that kind of thing... just a little pre-op banter. But he was on a different timetable. The only thing I remember was the clear plastic mask coming down toward me. I don't remember it hitting my face. If someone asked me to count down from 100, I have no idea how far I got. My guess is that I never escaped triple digits.
I would like to tell you that while I was out I heard solo performances by John Lennon, Jim Croce, Otis Redding and Karen Carpenter. But again, if I did, I have no recollection. It is all a complete blank; it was as if no time had passed at all.
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They had told me that initial recovery after surgery takes about two
hours. I had mentioned to one of our regulars here at BBHQ that I
envisioned waking up, looking around for about 30 seconds and then walking
out. I was going to scoff at the mandatory wheelchair and just dance
through the sliding glass doors. But it was not that simple. I came out of it gradually; I remember only bits and pieces. I have no idea what I said or did. Now THAT is a scary thought. My friend, who was in the recovery room, told me that, to break the ice and see how alert I was, one of the nurses asked me to describe my last three sexual experiences. Well, it was like one of those "When E. F. Hutton talks....." moments. I am told I gave a her a confused look and replied, "I'm sorry; there have not been that many." Ice broken. Another visitor to BBHQ suggested that some nurses take advantage of the situation and observe the patient's crown jewels while they are under. Remember the scene in "The Sting" when Johnny Hooker, played by Robert Redford, sticks a piece of paper in the door jam so he could tell if anyone broke into his apartment? Well, I can tell you that my privates remained... private, all through the surgery. Of that much, I am sure. I vaguely recall shuffling the wheelchair along with my feet to make it go faster. And I recall a brief exchange with a nurse who ordered me repeatedly to step sideways to get into the car. Apparently that was above my skill set at the time. How did I get to the car? Whose car was it? Where were we going? And who dressed me? I was so confused! |
 A moment of levity in the recovery room. I have no recollection of this at all.
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It is all a blur. It is mostly a blur till about 5:30 p.m. when I had a hot fudge sundae at home. Best meal I had had in ages! That much I do recall clearly.
Full recovery takes about 3-4 weeks. But the most important part is the first 48 hours after surgery. They tell you to expect swelling and considerable bruising. They got that one right. It's part of the deal.
But there has been absolutely no pain, no nausea, and no uncomfortable side effects... except when I look in the mirror.
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There was nothing I could do to control the surgery; but I can control
the recovery... more or less. The surgeon and I are on the same page
here. We both want a speedy, complete recovery. I cancelled my trip to
Busch Gardens that was scheduled for this past weekend. It'll be there
next month; I can challenge the Python another time. A cold compress and
an oversized Lay-Z-Boy recliner became my best friends for the
weekend. This is how we spent the next couple days:
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 It was not always pretty, but it was never painful:
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Makin' the Best of a Bad Situation
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Many people go into hiding after facial cosmetic surgery. They want to
hide their face until they look beautiful again. Not I. I am a realist...
and an opportunist. I am using my grotesque appearance to my advantage
everywhere I go. So far I have gotten a late fee waived at Blockbuster; I got a free upgrade to supersize fries at McDonalds, and three old ladies helped me cross a busy intersection in downtown Tampa. Gees, I wonder what kind of a deal I can get on a Chrysler P.T. Cruiser? |
Tonight I am going out to dinner... to a fancy restaurant. "Garcon... table for two in the non-smoking section. Chop, chop!"
So far.... I'd call this a complete success, even if I do look like I went three rounds with Evander Holyfield. Could be worse... coulda' been Mike Tyson.
The Bottom Line
What a trip! I had an terrific experience with a set of skilled professionals who knew their stuff and did it well. This has been a great adventure!
So, the next time someone complains that the medical profession is a mess, please point out this important distinction. The medical profession is a marvel of success and excellence. It is the bureaucrats who have screwed it up so badly.
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See... this is why you have a dog.
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Well, it has now been 10 weeks since the surgery. Here are the before and after pictures. Though the skin tones are different (that's digital photography for you), the difference is profound:
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You can start all over with the series here.
Whew! We have had a lot of response to this series. The most common question involves how to select a plastic surgeon. We're not experts, but we can offer these suggestions:
1. The best way to find a plastic surgeon is to obtain a recommendation from a trusted friend. A personal recommendation from someone you trust is very valuable. But don't rely solely on a personal reference.
2. Scan the yellow pages; look for surgeons with effective, informative ads and a reference to a web site. A web site will often provide more information.
3. Select a surgeon who has been certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery.
4. Do some research on the procedure you want. Use the Internet or medical library. Never mind the mumbo jumbo terms; but learn as much as you can. This will provide you with information and questions for your prospective surgeon. You can compare the responses from your prospective surgeon to the information you have obtained.
5. Your prospective plastic surgeon should offer a consultation to prospective patients. He/she may charge for this. But if you want good information, be willing to pay for it. Be prepared with a list of questions. Do not be afraid to ask questions, even the seemingly awkward ones. The doctor should be able to handle anything you throw at him. Here are some suggestions:
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a. Ask for the surgeon's credentials... where he got his
degrees and training, and how long he has been practicing plastic
surgery. b. While no surgeon can or should guarantee a result, ask the surgeon what the expected outcome will be in your case. As him is you appear to be a good candidate for the procedure. c. How many of these procedures have you performed? What are the possible complications, and what complications have you encountered? (I would want a surgeon who has performed the procedure dozens of times, and who has been practicing in the area for long enough to have developed a reputation.) d. What factors may make me a high risk patient? What can I do to lower my risk of complications? e. The surgeon should offer (you should not have to ask him) to identify and explain what alternatives there may be to plastic surgery, even if the alternatives may be inferior or inadequate to meet your desires. f. Ask to see some "before" and "after" photographs of his patients. g. How many times have you been sued, and what was the outcome of these suits? (Touchy question; but you need to know this. One or two lawsuits may not disqualify the surgeon; but the surgeon should be willing to provide this information, and you must followup on suits filed against the surgeon. Yes, the surgeon may try to hide things from you. You'll need to do some independent research to verify this. If he has hidden anything... well, what does that tell you?) h. Ask the surgeon to outline the entire procedure, including pre-op meeting(s) and post-op care. Ask about expected recovery time, and who to contact in case of an after-hours emergency. i. Where will the surgery be performed? How was this location selected? j. If you are contemplating a high-risk procedure, demand to be allowed to contact patients on whom he has performed the procedure. k. If your procedure will involve a general anesthesia, ask who will administer the anesthesia; ask how possible compilications relating to the anesthesia will be addressed. If the surgery necessitates a general anesthesia, it should be performed in a hospital with a licensed anesthesiologist present throughout the surgery. Some states require this; all states should. If your prospective surgeon suggests otherwise, get up and politely excuse yourself; the interview is over. The anesthesia is probably the most risky part of the surgery; it is not a place for shortcuts. l. If the surgery will be performed at a hospital, call the hospital and confirm the surgeon's standing at the hospital. (Does he have full operating and admitting privileges?) m. Ask for a price quote, including pre- and post-op charges, hospital (and anesthesiologist) charges, and the cost of required medications that are your responsibility. n. If his price is much higher (or lower) than that of other surgeons, ask why. o. What have I forgot to ask? |
The surgeon should be prepared to spend as much time as necessary to answer your questions.
6. If you get a chance, pull one of the office staff people aside and ask them on the QT if they would choose this surgeon or if they would recommend anyone else. (One of my friends waited in the parking lot and talked to the office manager as she walked to her car.) Who knows what you might discover?
7. Regardless of what the surgeon reveals, you have to do your own research on his background. Many states maintain records of law suits filed against surgeons. Often, these records can be obtained on the Internet. Hold your nose and call a dozen or so malpractice attorneys in your area and ask if they have been involved in legal action against the surgeon (or surgeons on your short list). Ask them how you might verify a surgeon's credentials.
8. Do a simple Internet search (Yahoo, Google, Excite, etc.) for your prospective surgeon's name. There are web sites that will research and provide information about doctors. They will charge for this service - probably 15-40 dollars.
There is a lot of subjectivity in selecting a surgeon. While you may be nervous or even scared about your surgery, your surgeon should make you feel comfortable. If not, find another one. If you cannot find a surgeon that makes you comfortable, perhaps you are not a good candidate for plastic surgery. A positive attitude is an important component of a successful outcome. Think positively!
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If you like what we're doing here at BBHQ, please help us by buying stuff through our link to Amazon.com:
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
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The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
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