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Each week our Boomer-In-Charge, Hershel Chicowitz, has something to say about life, society, or what's going on... from the perspective of a baby boomer. This is what's on his mind the week of January 4:
Do you suppose that, as we get older, we become more philosophical and ponderous about the arrival of a new year, rather than joyous and excited, as we did in our youth? I mean, when you are 15, you shoot off fireworks to celebrate the new year; when you are 55, you wonder how much your IRA will increase in the 12 months. If so, I am still a kid: I shot off fireworks last Thursday at midnight. Big, loud ones.
But I am not above doing my Jean Dixon impersonation. Jean Dixon has moved on to greener pastures; or, as Rush puts it, she has "assumed room temperature." No, that is not the behavior I intend to impersonate. Stand back: I'm going to make some predictions for 1999.
First, some easily measurable, sports prognostications. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays will win more games this year than they won last year; a pretty safe bet, since they barely got out of single digits in 1998. Moving up the ladder, as I gaze into the crystal ball I do not see the Tampa Bay Bucs winning the Superbowl this year. Another fairly safe call, since they were eliminated from contention two weeks ago. Instead, I think it will be the Vikings and the Broncos. I'd like to say that the NFL's premier boomer quarterback, Atlanta's 38 year-old Steve DeBerg, will lead his young team to the world's championship. But I think that ship has sailed. The Broncos will win it all. And as I predicted since the day it went away, the instant replay will be back. Meanwhile, the NBA season is over; and nobody will care. It will take the NBA five years to build back the support of the fans. Serves them all right. I got along just fine without Dennis Rodman, thank you. (Carmen Electra could learn a thing or two from me.)
Last summer I predicted that "Saving Private Ryan" would win big at the Oscars. Nothing has changed since then. Nothing else matters. My high school classmate, Lauren Schuler Donner, produced "You've Got Mail." It's a delightful movie, but probably not a big Oscar contender.
Of course, last summer I predicted that we would have a very mild hurricane season. And it was, unless you happen to live in Central America. Oops.
Before the end of spring, we will finally put this Monica Lewinsky thing behind us. The trial will not drag on for months, as the partisan Democrats proclaimed it surely would. They are nasty, dangerous, scare-mongerers, full of hot, polluted air. And no, the president will not be removed from office. And nothing else matters. A fine... a censure... none of that matters. The president will declare victory. We have decreed that this president is above the law and the norms of our society. He can get away with what no other man can, so long as the Dow stays above 8000 and interest rates stay below 10%. End of story. We boomers are setting the tone now; we run the show. "Make love, not impeachment." This is our legacy, and we should be ashamed. But like our boomer president, we are not; not the slightest.
Oh, Monica will make her appearance with Barbara Walters; we will all get to hear the sound of her voice. But nobody will care.
CBS correspondent and author Bill Geist ("The Big Five-Oh" - available in the BBHQ Library) notes that a baby boomer turns 50 every 7 1/2 seconds. If I have done my math correctly (Norm Levine and I were the best math students in sixth grade), 1999 will see over 4,200,000 boomers hitting the big five-oh. For Madison Avenue, I see a lot more ads for light beer and Pepto Bismol, and a whole lot fewer for surf boards and convertibles.
As I scanned across the audience at a recent Neil Diamond concert, it occurred to me that there should be an increasing demand for memberships to the Hair Club for Men. (But no, don't get ahead of me here; I will not be sending in my application.... not this year... not any year.) Not that Cy Sperling needs my help or advice, but if I were he, I'd work on product diversification. After all, what do you do once you sell the member... whatever it is he sells? What do you do then? My suggestion: combine the hairpiece with a hearing aid. It's a natural fit: the over-the-ears, Beatle look, with a hearing component to provide a comfortable, unobtrusive, functional auditory enhancement to millions of follically challenged boomers.
Kinda' of scary, isn't it?
But if I had money to invest in 1999, I'd pass on Intel and Microsoft; I put my money on the Hair Club for Men. You're not only a member; you're a shareholder, too.
And while you have your checkbook out, buy some sparking wine... champagne. 362 days before we need it, I am predicting a dramatic shortage of champagne next December. Remember who warned you. You're welcome.
On the political front, Al Gore and George Bush will remain the presidential frontrunners throughout the year. Mr. No-controlling-legal-authority, Technology-man will get a lot of competition. Bill Bradley, Paul Wellstone, John Kerry, and Dick Gephardt will also test the waters. On the Republican side, Senator John McCain, Dan Quayle, Lamar Alexander, Steve Forbes, and some fresh faces will all challenge George Junior. (I think Ross Perot's time is over. He had a lot more than 15 minutes, because he has a lot more money. Nonetheless, his time has passed.) But I'm sticking with what I predicted last summer: the big news will be the VP choices. Both parties will have a woman on the ticket in 2000.
Steve Fossett and dare-devil Richard Branson will once again try to fly around the world in a hot air balloon. It amazed me when I heard some people say that it is too difficult... it will never be done. Are they nuts? Do they have any understanding of what the 20th century is all about? Apparently not. Not only will it be done; it will be done in 1999.
So with my bottle of champagne in one hand and my hat in the other, I look forward to 1999! After all, there are a whole lot of things much worse than turning 50.
Just ask Jean Dixon...
If you have something to say of interest to boomers, write it as well as you can in 700-900 words, and send it to us. We can't guarantee we'll publish it, but we'll surely consider it.
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
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The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
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Copyright © 1998 Baby Boomer HeadQuarters (BBHQ) All rights reserved.