 |
| |||||||||||
|
|
| |||||||||||
Whoa... I think I may be on to something here. Last week I recommended that we begin a national debate on "the truth," a legacy for the first boomer president. It has the potential for becoming the highlight of the Clinton administration. Since last Monday several of you have written about your concerns and your own examples of "shaving the truth." But at last count, about a third of the people responding to the February BBHQ Insta-Poll don't care if the president lies to us about his personal life.
Part of the Clinton magic is the ability to cut the truth so close, it is hard to pin him down on a specific lie. I've learned that this takes practice; I was never able to master it. Does oral sex really constitute sex? Does having sex twice constitute having "sexual relations"? And the fish rots from the head down. NASA reported last week that two doctors will be accompanying 77 year-old astronaut John Glenn into space this fall, a heart specialist and an emergency care specialist. Just a coincidence, they say. Just like it is a coincidence that Senator Glenn was given the OK to ride in space again after his embarrassing solo defense of the Clinton administration in the Senate hearings on campaign finance last summer. What is so gall-darned hard about the truth? But then again, if your poll ratings are at 80%, I guess it doesn't matter.
So I'll keep you posted. It's my civic duty.
But that's not what's first on my mind this week. What's first on my mind is my stomach.
I just got back from another agonizing trip to the golden arches. I guess it's just another sign I'm getting older and out of touch. I eat my burgers plain, nothing on them... plain; just the meat and the bun. Plain. Pretty simple, huh? Just try to get a plain burger at McDonald's; just try!
I always say the same thing: "I'd like a grill order..." ["Grill order" is a code word at McDonald's for a sandwich made to order.] "I'd like a grill order on a quarter pounder... plain. Plain, nothing on it; totally plain; absolutely, totally, completely plain." And guess what? About half the time, it comes with cheese on it. I always check the burger before I leave the counter; when they get it wrong I say, "Let's try it again. I'd like a grill order on a quarter pounder....." This evening, the clerk explained that the last customer must have gotten the plain one. (How much you wanna' bet?) So she asked the last customer to come back to the counter. While checking, the customer spilled her coke all over her burger and onto the floor. Plain? Nope.
So now McDonald's has wasted a coke and two quarter pounders... and has wet sugarwater all over the floor. Is that any way to run a business? Apparently McDonald's thinks so.
Once the pimply-faced clerk looked at my burder and said, "It is plain." "What's that yellow stuff?" I asked. "Well, you ordered it that way," she said, defiantly. Ah, let's talk to the manager about that, young lady. Time for a short lesson on customer relations. (Obviously this young entrepreneur skipped that class up at "Hamburger U" at corporate headquarters in Illinois.)
It all started about a decade ago when McDonald's realized that they could make an extra $67 million dollars a year if everyone ordered their quarter-pounder with cheese - 15 cents a pop for a 2-cent slab of cheese. So instead of merely asking customers if they wanted it with cheese - too much risk there - they made the quarter-pounder with cheese the standard. They took the "Quarter Pounder" off the menu and replaced it with "Quarter Pounder with Cheese." Ca-ching, Ca-ching.
I don't mind that; that's the free enterprise system. But that's why I ask for a "grill order." I want it plain. Why is that so hard? One helpful manager told me I should ask for a "quarter ham" - code word for plain quarter pounder at McDonald's. But I don't see that on the menu. That's why I ask for a "grill order." I know I'm being defiant, but I'm just trying to get the clerk to listen to me and to take my order properly. It's the lesson as much as it is the plain burger. I just want them to think instead of acting like a mind-numbed robot. Just for a moment. Is that asking for too much?
I know, I know; if I want it "my way," why don't I just go to Burger King? You tasted their fries lately? Even their new fries? Please!
So I printed a bunch of little "calling cards" with Webster's definition of "plain" printed on them. Now I go from golden arch to golden arch spreading wisdom to every paper-hatted, future corporate mogal I can find. So some day, if your teenager comes home from work with a little card with the words "lacking ornament; free of extraneous matter" printed on it, you'll know I've made my mark.
It's just another one of my civic duties.
Comments on this essay? We'd like to hear from you. Click here.
Hershel will have something else to say on Monday, February, 23; mark your calendar to come back to BBHQ every Monday.
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
 |
|
The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
|
 | ||
 
|
|   |
Copyright © 1998 Baby Boomer HeadQuarters (BBHQ) All rights reserved.
rev. 11/29/98