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This Week with The Chicowitz:

Road Rage at the Drive-Thru

[last week: "The Death of a Friend"]

 HMC then Each week our Boomer-in-Charge, Hershel Chicowitz, has something to say about life, society, or what's going on... from the perspective of a baby boomer. This is what's on his mind the week of May 5:  HMC now

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I can tell that Friday is a teacher's favorite day of the week. I live near a credit union for school teachers. I often drive past there on Friday afternoons; the drive-thru lanes are always packed. I use the ATM there; there is never a line for the drive-thru ATM.

I just don't get it. I can drive right up to the ATM, get my cash for the weekend and be gone within two minutes. Meanwhile, people are stacked up in five other drive-thru lines like the tellers were shooting hundred-dollar bills through the pneumatic tubes.

Have you ever noticed when you're inside that most banks have only one or two tellers working all the drive-thru lanes? What does that tell you about how long you're going to wait out there? As Miss Jones, my sixth grade teacher said so often, "This is simple arithmetic."

When I am done at the ATM, I always get out of my car, turn around and look at the mess behind me in the other lanes. I'm still shaking my head as I drive away.

Sometimes, if I am not in a hurry, I'll drive around the building and go through the ATM lane a second time.... zoom... right up to the front. No lines, no waiting. I withdraw another $60, get out and look, and then I'm on my way again. It feels so wonderful! I have beaten the system!

It feels so good, in fact, that I have been known to do it a third time. This time some of the people in line notice my antics and scowl at me as I get out of the car and turn around. I stare right back at them and stick my tongue out. Now, I know that Miss Busek, my second-grade teacher, would not approve; but she did not approve of playing baseball during recess, either. Besides, I have learned that in today's tough world, you have to take victories where they come, however small they may be. I revel in the trivial pleasures of my otherwise monotonous and uneventful life.

That I have won a clear and absolute victory over the rest of society demands another demonstration of my power. I think of it as a victory lap. It is a small, but powerful demonstration of my hubris. If I am short of cash in my account, I'll use the ATM just to check my balance. I don't need money; I need revenge.

Why do people -- and in this case, intelligent, educated teachers -- insist on punishing themselves so? Don't tell me that Friday afternoon is the only time they can possibly steal away to get to the bank; I know better. And if they have simply failed to plan to go to the bank earlier in the week (or, for some strange reason, have an aversion to ATM machines), they had better plan ahead and make certain they are not low on gas. Running out of gas with three people ahead of you and four behind you in the drive-thru lane is a open invitation to road rage. There's a reason why they call it the DRIVE-thru lane, even if you spend most of your time sitting.

Is this really a teacher's idea of how to spend 45 minutes on a Friday afternoon? If so, I have overestimated their intelligence.... or badly misjudged their idea of a good time. Get a life, teach!

Or.... do you suppose they really *do* shoot hundred-dollar bills through those pneumatic tubes?

Lead on, Miss Jones! It's simple arithmetic.

 

Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:

Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History

A Trip to the Dentist

The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!

Just Shoot Me!

He Sleeps with the Fishes

My Little Girl, Princess

Why am I Still Single?

The Plastic Surgery Saga

Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!

Middle Age and the Mazdamobile

Down for the Count

That Dirty Dancing

Me and You and a Dog Named Princess

Contemplations on the Hereafter

A Camping We Will Go

Travels with Princess - Part 1

Tool Time with the Chicowitz

The Chicowitz Goes Country

... and 120 other boomer stories




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Hershel will have something else to say on May 12: mark your calendar to remind you to come back to BBHQ every Monday.

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Did you miss last week's essay, "The Death of a Friend"? You can still read it here.

The Boomer Essays - On Being a Boomer:

Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:
    Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
    A Trip to the Dentist
    The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!
    Just Shoot Me!
    He Sleeps with the Fishes
    My Little Girl, Princess
    Why am I Still Single?
    The Plastic Surgery Saga
    Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!
    Our House - Part 2
    Our House - Part 3: Reclaiming the Past
    Middle Age and the Mazdamobile
    Down for the Count
    That Dirty Dancing
    Contemplations on the Hereafter
    Tool Time with the Chicowitz
    The Chicowitz Goes Country
    Born to be Screwed
    Mr. Brownthumb
    The Mixer - A Singles Story
    Crab Cakes

Midlife Crisis:
    The Defining Moment
    The Saga Continues
    Fighting Back
    The Straight Scoop

In December, Traditions of Christmas:
    1997: The Christmas Tree
    1998: Remembrance.... and Friends
    1999: Christmas Cards
    2001: Songs & Stories
    2002: The Gift of Giving
    2003: Decorating the Tree
    2004: The Christmas Pin
    2005: The Making of the Christmas Card
    2006: Christmas on a Toothpick
    2007: The Paper Route Years
    Merry Christmas, Y'all
    Hershel's Wish List: 2004
    The "A" List

Teach, Preach & Nag:
    Courage and Class: Tony Snow
    The New American Dream
    A Grateful Heart
    Things We'll Learn
    The Death of a Friend
    The Age of Non-Responsibility
    "Thank You": Another Dying Phrase
    The Saturday Night Live "Curse"
    The Boomers, the Xers and Beyond
    Rules, Boundaries and Consequences
    It's for the Children
    "American Beauty" - an American Nightmare
    Of Values and Legacies
    School Violence: Lessons from the Past
    The Boomer Lyrics are with Us Everywhere
    Everybody's Got a Story
    Power to the Boomers
    My Kingdom for a Plain Burger
    Perception is Reality?
    Oh Woe is Us!
    It's Soooooo Hard
    Take Care of Yourself
    Public Service
    The Universal Apology
    The Leader of the Band

Travels with Princess:
    A Camping We Will Go
    A Camping We Did Go
    Travels with Princess - Part 1
    Travels with Princess - Part 2
    Me and You and a Dog Named Princess
    Savannah: Midnight in the Garden
    Time to Think
    On Top of Old Smoky
    The Fall Leaves and Such

A View from Hurricane Alley:
    The Big Scare
    Before the Storm
    After the Storm
Katrina:
    Intemperate Thoughts
    Information Misload
    Wet Dream

Election 2004:
    JF Kerry: Just the Facts
    A Discussion of the Issues
    The Election 2004 Quiz
    Find a Bush Lie -- Collect $5,000
    Talking Dirty in Washington
    I Believe - The George W. Bush Edition
    Inside John Kerry
    Why Character Matters - Part Umpteen
    Reporting for Duty
    Is it Safe Yet?
    Why We/They Hate Bush
    Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
    What I Am
    Nov. 8: Post-Mortem

Election 2006:
    I Believe -- the Election 2006 Edition
    A Civil Debate

A Boomer Remembers...:
    The 60s: Life was Sweeter
    The New American Dream
    Another Side of the Greatest Generation
    Where has all the Music Gone?
    Memories of the Sock Hop
    Remembering the Chairman of the Board
    Restless in Seattle
    The New Math
    We Are Not One Boomer
    "And Here's to You, Joe DiMaggio"
    The Days of Summers Past
    The Seeds of Character
    A Letter to a Teacher
    I Want a Clark Bar!
    When Music was Fun
    Decoration Day - The Measure of Sacrifice
    11/22/63: We Remember
    Flashback: The Y2K Hysteria
    When the Music had Words
    Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
    The Great Carsoni
    Love Songs of the Chicowitz
    Do You Remember These?
    V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N -- We're on Vacation!
    A Watergate Success Story

Straight Talk on Social Issues:
    Money 101: Incentive
    Health Care: Solutions
    Dr. Jack - A Man for Our Times
    Misplaced Outrage: The Imus Affair
    Global Warming Warning
    Sin Offsets
    Immigration: Good Fences
    July, 2006: The Price of Freedom
    Oh, Woe is Babs!
    "Fair and Balanced"?
    Lower Education
    Boomer Retirement: "Hell No, We Won't Go!"
    Social Security for Dummies
    Feelings over Facts
    Talking Down the Economy
    The Little Red Hen
    The Singles' Journal: Marriage
    The Shadow IRS
    The Dumbing Down of America
    The Next, Great Entitlement
    Voting Our way to Fairness
    Straight Talk on Energy
    We are Losing the Culture War
    A Taxpayers' Bill of Rights
    The Greedy Hand Extends its Reach
    My Kingdom for a Candidate
    Another Hat in the Toilet
    We Have Met the Enemy
    I'm From the Government & I'm Here to Help You
    B. Clinton: The Case Against the President
    B. Clinton: The Case For the President
    Charlton Heston: The Culture War
    Head Start: The Difference between Red and Blue
    Labor Day - The Entrepreneur
    It's Lonely at the Top
    Kids on Drugs
    Roe v. Wade Reality
    Stem Cell 101
    Vietnam: From a Distance
    Iraq: Another Vietnam - ?

Mostly, Just Silly Stuff:
    Sin Offsets
    Menopause: Just for Laughs
    The Fat Tax
    Cell Phones & Other Crimes & Misdemeanors
    Like Father, Like Son
    Where Have You Gone, Walter Cronkite?
    A Dire Warning to all Boomers
    An Aging Boomer's Final Call to Action
    BoomerSpeak
    "American Pie": a Fresh Interpretation
    Hail to Thee, My Alma Mater
    Rock On!
    The BBHQ Exam Story
    Great Quotations
    The $2.5 Million Pyramid
    I Double-Dare You!

The Terrorist Attack of 2001:
    The Best of Times
    Showing Your Patriotism
    "All We are Saaaaaaaa-ying..."
    2004: Is it Safe Yet?

The Chicowitz on Iraq:
    Politics for Dummies - Part I
    Peace in Our Time
    Yankee Go Home!
    Bullhorn Responsibility
    Blood for Oil!
    Why We Fight
    They Said - Part 1
    They Said - Part 2
    Why They're Wrong

** There's even more: The BBHQ Archives **

We're open to offerings from visitors to BBHQ. If you have something to say of interest to boomers, write it as well as you can in 800 - 1,000 words, and send it to us. We can't guarantee we'll publish it, but we'll surely consider it.




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The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you?  Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)

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05/05/08